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All they know is that they don’t want to face the fallout that comes with making a choice.
After all, in the mind of a cheater, there are less than desirable consequences regardless of the decision they make.
Fortunately, most people have a secure attachment, because it favors survival.
It ensures that we’re safe and can help each other in a dangerous environment.
I’ve had a couple of mentoring clients lately who are going through a period where their cheating spouse won’t make up their mind to end the affair and come back to the marriage.
To a large degree, the cheater is feeling ambivalent and uncertain.They want to keep their options open as long as possible – because they want to hold onto the fantasy like, feel-good aspects of the affair while still holding open the possibility of eventually returning to the marriage.More than likely the cheater does not have the clarity of vision to see that this is what is going on inside their head.During this time of cheater ambivalence, it’s important for the betrayed spouse to work on himself/herself and find the courage and strength to not neglect other areas of life.They mustn’t be clingy, needy or come off as being pitiful.